he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
