margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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