my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
