dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
