The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
