If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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