I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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