and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
