Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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