he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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