hotel room ftw
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
