i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
