Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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