I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
