In America we eat man semen.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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