i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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