It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize