Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
