I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am naked and annoyed.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
