I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
