Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
