He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
