It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
