Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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