Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
