Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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