I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
