new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
