I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize