Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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