grandma shit on top of the toilet
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
