woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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