can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
