When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
