I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize