Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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