Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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