Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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