I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
