I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
