Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
