i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
