3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize