It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
