The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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