bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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