this beer tastes like vomit already
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
