hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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