he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
