She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
