dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
