Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize