We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
