so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
