I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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