I seem to have left my pride at pride
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
