is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
