Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
