I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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