The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You are the jesus of drinking
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
