I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
