dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
only you would photoshop your dick
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
