I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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