we're blogging at a bar
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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