i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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