His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
