my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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