Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
