: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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