I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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