How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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