it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
